The world needs more heroes. Remember how excited we got when Sully Sullenburger landed a plane on the Hudson? We just pulled 33 miners out of a hole in the ground in Chile, and the world cheered. No, they’re not heroes (the guys who pulled them out are heroes) but they are being touted as such.

And of course, the first responders who ran into a burning, collapsing skyscraper in Lower Manhattan while everyone else was running out? Heroes.

Now the Islamic world, which doesn’t contribute much to global society beyond suicide bombers and honor rapes, has decided they need superhero characters to engage the minds of young Muslims.

The program chronicles the adventures of 99 superheroes, each of whom embodies an attribute of Allah.

Jabbar is a Muslim Incredible Hulk. Mumita is wicked fast. But Wonder Woman-style cleavage has been banned from the ladies. And, in this faith-based cartoon, hair-hiding head scarves are mandatory for five characters, not including burqa babe Batina the Hidden.

In another break from standard world-saving fare, male and female characters are never alone together. (Imagine the stoning super-strong characters would dish out.) “The 99″ even has the seal of approval of a Sharia board — which polices Muslim law — affiliated with an Islamic bank from which the show received financing.

Well, that’s just great. How to embody Allah while subjugating even revered females.

Since the characters need to be able to capture young imaginations and shape tomorrow’s Muslims…

May I suggest… AttaBoy?

He hides out in his secret strip club lair until he is needed to fly his flaming jet into infidels. Except in the imaginary world of superheroes, AttaBoy can perform his heat-defying tricks again and again without perishing. Kinda like the 72 virgins thing in the imaginary world of Muslims…

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