Sometimes I think the people who are trying to do God’s job of sorting out which species should  live (marsh mouse) and which should die (Jews and pit bulls) must be drunk. I mean, who are we mere mortals to make these decisions? Who are we to change the weather? As the Dodo once wisely sang

I never ever ever do a thing about the weather cause the weather never ever does a thing for me!

Turns out, drinking does play a large part in it, thereby proving me right once again.

About 15 years ago, a bunch of Chardonnay-slurping enviro-snobs decided we should stop using natural cork in our bottles of plonk, and switch to either synthetic plugs or screw caps. For the ecology, you see.

Bless their wee interfering hearts, their plan worked. Winemakers stopped using natural cork, and we all lived happily ever after.

Well, maybe not exactly. As the demand for cork dropped off, cork farmers stopped planting it. Now that the cork forests are dying out, animals who once made their homes in them are dying out too.

Now cork suppliers and environmentalists are fighting back claiming the move is threatening the two million hectares of forest across Portugal, Spain, North Africa and Italy which are sustained through industry management.

The area includes the Montada forest which is considered one of the ‘biodiversity hot spots’ of the world where some of the world’s most endangered animals live including the Iberian lynx.

In just 0.1 hectare of forest there can be more than 100 certified species.

Rui Simoes, a representative of Rainforest Alliance, said “It is not just about cork it is about a rich community of plants and animals that all rely on one another.”

Of course, now that the Iberian lynx is in danger, keep your eye out for wine-laden dinner parties on the Upper West Side where the hosts are trying to raise money to help bring back the lynx. Somehow they’ll manage to fuck that up, too.

Do you believe Bill O'Reilly was responsible for the death of Tiller?