Spring has sprung, Easter is behind us, and it’s time to start planning the family vacation. Sure the economy is still in the shitter, but that doesn’t mean you have to put off this sacred rite of passage. Cheap vacations are there for the taking.

For example, when I was a kid, we used to go up to The Cottage every summer until I turned seven. Then when we went broke and had to sell it (thereby leading directly to the neurotic screw-up you know and love today), we’d pack up the car and drive 12 hours from Montreal to my mother’s sister’s house in Northern New Brunswick.

Unlike family vacations characterized by popular culture, these were placid car trips with few bathroom breaks and one long picnic lunch to break up the monotony. Then again, I’m an only child, so there was no squabbling or jostling for space in Dad’s old 1974 Ford LTD woody station wagon. Or “the hearse”, as Mom called it. I would be buckled into one corner of the car, with my various books, coloring books, crayons, pillows, blankets and snacks spread around me. It was nice. Every family should have such vacations.

Of course, for the more hands-on, adventurous families, road trips out to the sticks just won’t suffice.

German intelligence is warning of a new breed of terrorist – whole family groups travelling to training camps on the Afghan-Pakistan border where they learn how to use explosives and raise funds.

Parents travelling with children have in the past raised less suspicion than single men or women travelling to and from Germany.

I understand that heading to the Grand Canyon from Germany can be a bit pricey for families, but Europe is lovely, especially in the summer months. Why on earth would you want to head to Waziristan instead of taking in the Louvre or the Tower of London?

Wait. What the fuck am I thinking? I don’t want these people anywhere near the treasures of Europe.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, Van Halen and Mark Steyn are singing Hot For Jihad, with backup vocals by the Mark Steyn Singers. Save me.

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