Ok, I know it’s the middle of June, and Christmas is six months away. But Albert Mouse was on my mind today. For most of my North American readership, Christmas is a time for Rankin-Bass specials on television, so I’m sure many of you are familiar with the image at left.

Albert Mouse is the little troublemaker from T’was the Night Before Christmas, who raises Santa’s ire by writing a letter to the editor stating that “All of Us” – the townspeople of Junctionville, NY – don’t believe in Father Christmas. Little shit. He nearly got Christmas canceled!

Was Robert malicious? No, not particularly. If he were malicious, Rankin-Bass might never have gotten the green light for the production, because Albert would have had a foul mouth, a chip on his shoulder, and would have called Santa a douchebag. He wasn’t malicious. He was merely burdened with too much booksmart and not enough soul. Albert Mouse was in fact a genius. However, he felt almost nothing inside. Life was only about facts and figures, never about human (or in his case mouse) interaction. Why interact with others when they won’t be nearly as smart as the people he could read in books?

If Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass created Albert today, he would be a computer wizard. He would speak and write in code. Instead of a letter to the editor of the small town paper, Albert would most likely have a blog. He would still be quoting Copernicus, and probably Darwin, too. He’d have Wikis, and would understand Linux (Do humans really understand Linux? Do mice?) He would be faithless. He would be cold. He would be as insulting to everyone who didn’t agree with him as he was to Santa Clause. More so.

Now, being a children’s holiday story, Albert Mouse was redeemed at the end by seeing the hurt he had caused to the people of Junctionville. He developed some emotion, and set about trying to set things right. Of course, he bumbled a bit in this respect, but his heart was in the right place.

In reality, it’s unlikely that anyone like Albert would ever see the error of his ways. He would always be more interested in his codes  than in any relationship with a human being. Everyone else would be beneath him.

What sparked this little thought train? It’s kind of a long story. Regardless, we all know someone like Albert Mouse. They are the awkward geeks who develop cutting attitudes to protect themselves from the loneliness of rejection. They are the internet trolls who poison the conversations on forums and comment threads. They are the bitter neighbor who yells at children. They are the Holocaust Museum shooter. And by the end of the show, they still will not have redeemed themselves.

I'm in good company